What do you do when you just want someone to talk to, but you’re also just so tired of talking?

Everything makes me queasy I guess. Wish I could just puke away my issues.

@lights-and-buildings ily 💕💕

And at some point, crying just became normal. This suffering.. became real.

Maybe I’m just so used to emotional abuse that I don’t know how to act without it.

A dream like no other.

“You’re so strong to have gone through all that.”
“Honestly, people underestimate how tough you really are.”
“I can’t believe you’re still sane. If that happened to me, I’d go crazy.”

What you see isn’t necessarily the reality.
I’m not strong or tough… And I’m definitely not sane.

“You can always talk to me.”
“I’m always here for you.”
“You’re not alone.”

As warm as I feel to hear that people care, I’m still crying heavily because I just can’t. I don’t have it within me to share how I feel. Maybe it’s ignorant of me to believe so hard that no one will understand how I feel. But I just can’t share knowing from experience how painful it is to see someone try so hard to understand me & only end up saying words that hurt me in ways they can’t possibly understand. And I can’t say anything because I know that all you’re doing is just trying to help.

To the one person that only knows a slither about this, but way more than any one else does: thank you for trying. I don’t tell you more because I can’t just keep running to you when I break down.

I need a break. Please.

I am unwell.

I am unable.

I am unsure.

I need a break.

After a while
you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul
and you learn love doesn’t mean leaning and company doesn’t always mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t always promises
and you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and and your eyes ahead with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans and futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers
And you learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong and you really do have worth and you learn and you learn
with every good-bye you learn.

Veronica Shofftstall
(via psych-facts)